Dating Social

Are you excited about the notion of hopping into bed with your new guy?

Slowly undressingeyes lockedsavoring each others bodieslust so intense that you both might explode

or does the thought of it make you so nervous you want to puke?

Lets face it: if youre working on attracting a fabulous man into your life, ya better be ready for sex. I know that for many of you—especially if youre dating in your 40s, 50s, or beyond—its been a while since you stood naked in front of a man.

Many of you tell me that you look forward to enjoying this intimate and glorious part of a good relationship, but the thought of presenting your naked body to your new man seems daunting. After all, you have those stretch marks, sagging boobs, cellulite and wrinkled skin all kinds of flaws, right?

I received an email the other day that reminded me of how scary this is. I lived this myself—a room could never be dark enough—but I eventually learned the truth: most men just dont care. Here is my email exchange with T.

Dear Bobbi,

This subject has been on my mind and I really feel I can trust you. I have this huge fear! And I know its one of the issues that holds me back from letting a man get too close.so here goes.

I have this horrible, ugly tattoo from my stupid teenage years right smack dab in the middle of my right buttock cheek. Its really embarrassing, and all I think about when dreaming of my perfect relationship is him knowing I have this ugly thing that he will see as unattractive when were (Im) naked. It would cost thousands of dollars to have it removed, and I just cannot afford it. What I am to do?

T

Hi girlfriend,

I appreciate your concern. But to be honest, this is one of the easiest questions Ive had to answer in a long time. Ill tell you what an old (skinny) boyfriend said to me when I was sharing my concern about my fat thighs:

When youre naked with a man, all he sees is that he has a naked woman in front of him, and all he thinks of is that hes about to have sex. Thats it. He couldnt care less about your thighs.

I can guarantee you that your tattoo will mean absolutely nothing to 99% of men. They care far less about our bodies than we do. My husband, for instance, really hates tattoos. But would he have not married me if I had one? Heck no! In fact, he married me with far more body blemishes than that. What he does care about (as do most men) is that Im okay with my body. If I am … well then, so is he.

And dont forget: men have their own issues. Theyre fighting gravity just like we are, and theyre the ones who are primarily responsible for performing. As men climb into their 50s and 60s, they have their own concerns.

I am not minimizing your anxiety or making fun. I am being totally honest: dont give it another thought. Rather, think about the next fabulous man who will be lucky enough to see your gorgeous cheeks!

Now go out there and be brave. Youll see Im right. Let me know how it goes!

Much love

Bp

PS: This is a great conversation to have before you undress. Tell him the story of when you got it. Im sure it will make for some good fun. Oh, and be sure to read my article How to Decide When to Have Sex.